Wow. Can I just exclaim how crazy things have been lately? But not in a bad way or anything. Things are just falling into place. And I like it. As you already know, I move on to my new studio apartment (that will have a renovated bathroom and new kitchen ceiling tiles — woot!).
I have decided to go ahead and go with John to Traverse City as planned the first week of September as well. Because I think it’s the last hurrah that we both need. Or something like that.
The subject of me moving has been a very sensitive subject for the two of us and we don’t talk about it much…But he’d have to be completely blind to not notice that I’ve been making preparations for said move.
I bought a giant area rug for the main living/bedroom. In sage green. My bedding is pink and sage green. Totally cute. Anyway….
We don’t talk about it much, but we both know the inevitable is going to occur. We went out for lunch yesterday. It was kind of nice. Relaxing. It hasn’t been that way between us in a long time. But we actually both acknowledged that neither of us was happy. I want to move forward with someone in life. And he? Would like to stand still for now. He wants me to be happy with the here and now. But I can’t be unless I have the promise that he’d be willing to start planning the later stuff.
I’m frustrated because I have wasted four years waiting for this man to come to his senses and finally figure out I’m it for him.
But he doesn’t know this. And I have a feeling he may NEVER know it. I once knew it, but if he were to propose today, I would not say yes. Because I’m not certain anymore. I think I’m actually ok with that. Really, I am.
The next few months are going to be hard on me, but I’m prepared. I made an emergency visit with my primary doc. I’m not sure I’ll take that. I’ve only taken 1 and I have had them for three days now. Just knowing I have it there for me when I happen to break down? Is just comfortable enough.
I don’t like taking those type of meds, but I’m about to transition into a very stressful time in my life. It’s scary! And it still AMAZES me how many of those who care about me…have come out of the word work to say “Trent’s a nice guy…but…he may not be right for you.
You’re this and that…and he’s just not!” Just WOW! Seriously — why have people waited for so long to talk to me about this??
Thank you so much. My new life is about to begin…and I have no clue what I can expect!!